I let a friend borrow the book... and I stopped writing...
I have the book back... and here I go.
So back in April I wrote this list:
http://rhythmstudio.blogspot.com/2009/04/think-about-it-stop-reading-ponder-it.htmlAlthough I am not to the point in the book where I am asked to go back over the list... I thought this would be a good time to do a mid way
eval....
My voice now is in blue.
To find joy again in my job. To do things out of love.
Switching from developmental preschool to community was definitely good for me. It is a better match for my personality. I think I needed a change. It has been good...really good. I am really enjoying my job. Yes, I still have battles, etc but I enjoy it. Also, I am finally GROWING and not being stifled... This comes from the move to a different building with different administrators that see my potential... and that FINALLY understand my kiddos. This is NOTHING short of an answered prayer from God. Praise be his name.
To let my light shine.
I think I am doing okay at this... it depends on how you look at it. with work... yes. With friends... yes. With hub... yes. But as a whole... I don't know... do people really look at me and see Him? I think in my actions... but I don't know in my words. This is a constantly struggle for me to figure out what this really means. I no longer think it is just huffy church goers....A work in progress.... YES.
To help all.
I am desperately trying. I think it is easier for me to do this at work now... because my life is easier? Again... yes and no. Something I think about what this REALLY means daily.
For example: I wrote this in my private journal sometime during the big snow.
"I picked up a lady off the side of road today. It was snowing - she had school bags and groceries. She was extremely grateful. Is this not what the gospel is all about? Not just stuffy church goers? Is attendance and daily devotions so ingrained in my head I can't see past it?" Do you see my struggle? I don't mean that these things aren't good... but something I think that is all anyone I was raised around thinks about the gospel. I am desperately trying to shift my view.... Daily I feel guilty due to my "taking a break" from church due to my anxiety attacks and hyperventilation about going to church.... I have so much to think about. I desperately want a mentor ...
To repair family relationships.
Well.. I have taken steps.... teeny tiny steps... I have faced the reality of the "hidden monster" of mental illness in my family. I am not afraid to say it. It seems like it is a "sweep it under the carpet" kind of thing that WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT in my immediate family. However. I am not afraid to say it is in my family. I have dealt and have been honest about my own anxiety and seasonal depression. I was honest with other people and myself. Isn't that the 1st step? I plan on going to counseling this summer to try to repair relationships that I have cut off because I could not take the dishonest behavior of some members in my family...
T0 not be bitter and resentful.
Well.. I;m trying!
not judge myself.
Ditto.to find where I feel encouraged.
Absolutely at school and with my friends. I am DONE with people that are not healthy for me. But I still feel that I need a mentor... maybe this will come with counseling, etc.
where my soul can grow.
Again.... please see the posts above...
To live a pure and simple life.
Absolutely... daily I make choices to keep this. It is THE KEY TO HAPPINESS.
To grow... in God's word.
trying.... see above posts...
To grow... with my future husband.
ABSOLUTELY. I can't say enough about him... he is my beloved and I am his.... COMPLETELY. we grow everyday. he makes me smile.
To be his helpmate.
This is my absolute goal in life. I believe when I am his helpmate I am serving God and praising His name. You have to read, "Let me be a woman" by Elizabeth Elliott AND "Created to be his help meet" by Debi Pearl . INCREDIBLE. I can't say enough. When I make it through Matthew Kelly I will go through those books on here...
To understand what I was made for.
Check and Check. Please see above. I was created to serve. Serving and Honoring my husband honors God.
To have a beautiful marriage.
(:
To have beautiful God fearing children.
I struggle everyday if I am good enough to be a mom. Especially with mental illness in my family and my own broken relationship with my own mother. There are days I want children.... I know my body does... I feel as if it prepares for it everyday. There are days when think I it would be extremely selfish of me to bring a child into my life with my own struggles. Therefore, we have decided that God is in control. If and When we are supposed to have children... it will happen. If not... God is still in control.
To payoff my bills and debt so that I can have part time jobs so that I
can stay home with my babies.
Working on it... Our goal this year is to pay it off baby.and home school them.
Again, God is in control.
to help my husband obtain his dreams.
Tryng...to have many animals.
check, check, and check.... keep em coming... they bring joy. Jenn.. if you read this... you know what I mean!to take more walks.
Check. Thanks to Shelia!most importantly, to be joyful always.
(: Working on this!Thanks for listening.... You should do this... how powerful.
